Dear Kotex

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantyliner had a
bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated
and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a
menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help
keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate from the ! vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the
first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out sh*t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude,
and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly
we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a
fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces
or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.

Put the sh*t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our
carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pinkpackage announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS

[Jonman]

Bwahahahahahahaha!!

My Grandma used to work in a general store back in the old days when there wasn't automatic cash registers and codes and stuff and they had to handwrite the grocery bills and her boss, a wonderful man I remember from my childhood as always giving us kids ice cream whenever we stopped to see Grandma at work, refused to write the words Kotex or Tampax and would always write Soda Crackers instead! lol

He also always wrote light blubs instead of bulbs...to this day my entire family says light blubs and calls all feminine hygiene products Soda Crackers.

[punkypower]

I also believe that the pads/tampons, chocolate and Midol should be kept on the same aisle. Why make us trek all over the store when we're going to buy all those things at once?

[csme]

I hate it when I run out of soda crackers!